Do You Abstine From Pre-marital Sex?
My friends all know that I'm a person who strongly disapprove pre-marital sex. Sometimes it's a little bit hard for me to explain to them. And I too don't understand why they are okay or sometimes even yearn for a partner who actually had sexual experience before with their ex-es, just because then they could have better sex life after marriage. What's the point? Can't they see how those things indirectly will affect their marriage? I don't believe they won't feel a twist at all knowing that their married partner had sex before with their previous partners.
Okay, you might say I'm traditional, la. Anyway, I came across this article which truly depicts what are my thoughts. Just to share with all of you.
Hadikusumo cited nine reasons why people have sex before marriage:
* Present youth culture
* Pressure from partner
* Looking for love
* Peer acceptance
* Expression of love
* Lack of alertness
* High-risk activity
"High-risk activities include heavy petting in an intimate situation or place, use of drugs or the presence of alcohol influencing decision."* Rebellious acting out
"Rebellious acting out is acting against set family principles or school authority by doing something contrary to what is expected."* Getting over a break-up or rebound
"Rebound is the act of filling up a vacuum left by the previous partner. The driving principle for such action could be pain, loneliness or fear," she explained.
Abstinence is defined as refraining from sexual contact of any sort, including genital intercourse, oral sex, anal sex, mutual masturbation or any other physically intimate activity for the purpose of sexual gratification.
Hadikusumo said abstinence promotes risk elimination which protects the future of youths, and allows them to pursue friendships, goals, dreams and optimal health. Abstinence, she added, is not only achievable but leads to the healthiest outcome.
In her paper, she listed out the nine advantages of choosing abstinence:
* More self-respect and more respect for each other.
* Security that you are not being pursued for sexual reasons.
* Greater chance of faithfulness in marriage, and trust in your partner's ability to control himself or herself with other people.
* Chance to develop more depth in relationships.
* Less worries regarding pregnancy, birth control, sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), emotional betrayal, etc.
* Peace of mind and joy in the knowledge that you are obedient to God in this area of your life.
* Better sex when you are married.
* Stronger marriage.
* Freedom from memories of past sexual partners.
"Premarital abstinence will also spare your spouse of insecurities based on wondering if you are really satisfied with him sexually. These insecurities over time can erode a marriage."
"Also, a partner who finds himself or herself frequently remembering past partners, who may have been better in bed, can cause guilt or conflicting emotions which will erode a marriage," the speaker pointed out.
Just say NO.
"For example, if someone says 'If you loved me, you'd let me', then your response should be 'If you loved me, you wouldn't be asking me to give up something I'm saving'.
"Or, 'Don't you want to show me you love me?' You respond - 'I don't have to have sex to show you I love you'.
"The other famous line is 'Other people have sex and they're safe'. What you should say is 'Well, I'm not other people and you don't know if they're safe or not. I'm not betting my future on other people.'"
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